Chinese Earthquake Rescue Workers Make Strange Requests For Help

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 15 May 2008


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Pandas are in short supply

Rescue workers trying to free trapped victims of the earthquake in China, have said they are in dire need of food, clothing and medical supplies, but also of several other essential items, such as hammers, cranes, rubber gloves - and pandas.

The strange requests came as the Chinese government put the number of deaths from the quake at 20,000, with many more people missing. Building tools are required urgently to provide shelter for thousands of homeless victims, and cranes to move the rubble in a search for survivors.

It's thought the pandas are needed to keep disappointed tourists happy, and the rubber gloves to carry out in-depth internal examinations of the cuddly black-and-white bears for parasitic worms.

Until recently, pandas were thought to be creatures who preferred to live in isolation, and that males and females only met for breeding. Now though, scientists say that pandas have been found living in groups called "Sanctuaries", and have been observed there eating bamboo.

If anyone would like to help in the rescue attempt, or wants to contribute to the disaster fund, or, indeed, has a panda at home that they don't want anymore, please write to this address:

Chinese Earthquake Disaster Fund
Olympic Village

* We regret that any pandas sent cannot be returned to contestants.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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