Barry Bonds inadvertently encourages youth to use steroids

Written by NickFun

Thursday, 15 May 2008

image for Barry Bonds inadvertently encourages youth to use steroids
Barry Bonds has repeatedly denied using steroids

Despite his repeated denials, many young high school athletes believe Barry Bonds owes his slugging power and career longevity to the use of performance enhancing substances such as steroids.

Many High Schools athletes across the country have begun a "Roids Rock and HGH Rules" campaign proclaiming the benefits of using steroids and human growth hormone (HGH).

"If it were not for steroids he would have been just another baseball player and he would have retired by the age of 30", said 17 year old high school student and ball player Barry Roman in reference to Bonds. "Steroids have enabled him to play longer and harder. I wanna become that kind of ball player".

Bonds has so far knocked home 762 home runs making him the leading home run hitter of all time.

Walt Whitman High School coach Anthony Fonzarli said, "Last year my kids couldn't win a game. This year we're 10-0. Coincidence?"

Doctors agree that, when used properly, steroids enable an athlete to become more muscular, recover faster from injuries and can add years to their playing career.

"Roger Clemens won more Cy Young awards after the age of 35 than he did when he was a young man", said NY Yankees second assistant team physician Dr. Sergio Guptaberg. "I wouldn't doubt his legacy can be traced to the use of some kind of performance enhancer. But don't quote me on that! The same applies to Barry Bonds. Don't quote me on that either!"

Ricky Castro, a 17-year-old high school junior, says steroids have changed him for the better. "I used to get my ass kicked all the time", Castro stated. "But in sophomore year I discovered steroids and Human Growth Hormone. I've grown six inches taller and now I'M the one kickin ass!

Doctors do warn that when not properly used, steroids can cause a mans testicles to shrink to the size of bing cherries. They can also cause headaches, nosebleeds and aggressive behavior. However, the benefits of a richly toned physique and the admiration of both women and men outweigh these risks.

"Kids, don't take steroids", Barry Bonds warned the youngsters.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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