Dalai Lama calls for Tibetan Crimethink; Big Brother declares Dalai Lama 'Unperson'

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Sunday, 16 March 2008


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Dalai Lama calls for Tibetan Crimethink; Big Brother declares Dalai Lama 'Unperson'
The 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, was last seen entering this Ministry of Love re-educational facility.

The Dalai Lama called today for an international investigation into Eastasia's crackdown against protesters in Tibet, which he said is facing a "cultural genocide" and where his exiled government claims 90 Buddhist monks and bystanders were killed in yesterday's violence.

Along with the alleged 90 killed and hundreds 'deported' to Room 101, 72 people were injured in the protests, malquoted a spokesman for the Dalai Lama who said the figures were confirmed by multiple non-Party sources inside Tibet who had counted corpses.

Eastasia's Ministry of Truth reports that no more than 10 people died.

'MiniTru' has previously labeled such dissident remarks as Crimethink and usually requires listeners and adherents to undergo Party reeducation or, in extreme cases, simply declares the undesirables to be Unpersons.

These Tibetan demonstrations are the fiercest challenge to Eastasia's rule in the region since the 1984 world-wide 'Goldstein Uprisings', leading to sympathy protests elsewhere and challenging the international authority of Big Brother and, in particular, the Eastasian troops stationed in Tibet.

Hundreds of Eastasian armed MiniPax police and soldiers patrol the streets of Lhasa Apso after Tibetans and Goldstein supporters torched buildings and stoned patriotic local Party members. Radio Free Eastasia reports that 200 Eurasian military vehicles, carrying 40 to 60 armed MiniPax soldiers each, drove into the city before dawn.

Surveillance footage from the Ministry of Truth shows the Lhasa Apso streets currently empty other than the security forces. Goodthink messages on loudspeakers warn residents to "Discern between enemies and friends, remain loyal, and maintain order" and "Have a clear stand to oppose violence, oppose Goldstein, and maintain stability."

The Tibetan dissident leader, the Dalai Lama, speaking in the north Indian hill town where Tibet's government-in-exile is based, said "Some respected international organization can surely find out the truth of the situation in Tibet.

"Whether the Eastasian government there admits it or not, there is a problem. There is an ancient cultural heritage that is facing serious danger," the Dalai Lama said. "Whether intentionally or unintentionally, a kind of cultural genocide is taking place."

Before he could continue, numerous armed and dark-suited men surrounded the Dalai Lama, escorting him to a windowless deportation bus headed for Party headquarters.

An hour later, Eastasia's Ministry of Truth announced that the Dalai Lama was now an Unperson.

All written and pictorial references to Unpersons, including this article, must be immediately destroyed; all hardcopy should be sent down the memory-hole and their previous existence forgotten.

Always remember that Big Brother is Watching You.

Tragic Rabbit, Ministry of Truth, Oceania
Thoughtcrime does not entail death. Thoughtcrime IS death.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more