Written by queen mudder

Friday, 25 January 2008

image for Rogue $7 billion trader is Tom Cruise son claim colleagues
Cooking the books French-style

Paris, France - (Audacious Mess): The rogue trader who notched up record-breaking $7 billion losses may be the natural son of Scientology movie actor Tom Cruise.

Former work colleagues of Jerome Kerviel say the trader regularly got "shit-hot tips" from French Narconon sources who had tapped into Cruise's miraculously prophetic abilities of manipulating the Stock Market "through the power of thought".

"Kerviel was onto a winner by late 2006," SocGen's Didier de Gaulle said today, "and in cahoots with the bank's board who all stood to make a packet if his bets continued backing winners.

"Then something odd happened around March 2007 and it all started going Poirot-shaped. We think this co-incided with Tom Cruise being banned from filming his Nazi movie in Berlin's financial quarter. Kerveil developed the opposite of the Midas touch and all his positions went belly-up."

French police are investigating the rogue trader's DNA links and believe his former employers may have a case to sue the Scientology actor if fraudulent links can be established.

"It all goes back to the Nazis, like everything else around here," was the Gendarmerie's only official position.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: France, Banks, Tom Cruise

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