Written by Felix Minderbinder

Friday, 11 January 2008

image for Tom Cruise Quits Scientology and Joins Hare Krishna
Cruise to build replica of Taj Mahal

LOS ANGELES (FMLiveWire) -- Tom Cruise has dropped all legal action against the new book exposing his strange lifestyle and has quit Scientology in order to join the Hare Krishna movement.

The popular actor's decision comes after his reading of the new book "Tom Cruise: An Unauthorised Biography" by Andrew Morton.

"Wow, I never realized I was so weird," admitted Cruise, 45, at a news conference where he revealed he was severing his ties with Scientology. "Everything in that book is true. Those nutso cultish Scientologists had total control of my brain, but that's all over now.

"Scientology is a bizarre cult created by a science fiction writer. Now, Katie and I will join Hare Krishna to fulfill our spiritual needs."

The actor indicated he was devoting his millions of dollars to Hare Krishna and will build a replica of the Taj Mahal made entirely of chocolate. He reportedly got the idea after watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) - a film he narrowly missed playing in as he was too short for the role of oompa-loompa.

Tom Cruise was the Scientologist second in command, and now Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are reported to be ready to take Cruise's place in the Scientology hierarchy.

Scientologists believe that alien lifeforms called Thetans inhabit human bodies and can only be eliminated with the use of an "e-meter."

As a Hare Krishna devotee, Cruise will follow the Hindu practice of Bhakti Yoga, and follow a line of gurus descending from Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, who appeared in Bengal.

Hare Krishna practitioners live according to a strict regimen resembling Scientology. Initiates take vows to abstain from all forms of recreational drugs and intoxicants, and they refuse to eat meat, fish and eggs. They also refuse to gamble, and only conduct sexual relations for purposes of procreation within marriage.

--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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