Computer cracks Da Vinci Code; refuses to reveal secret

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Sunday, 29 July 2007

image for Computer cracks Da Vinci Code; refuses to reveal secret
Pesci cracks Da Vinci Code; Pope to flood supercomputer located in the catacombs under Vatican to still keep it a secret

Rome, Italy - Computer analyst, Slavisa Pesci, claims to have broken the Da Vinci Code using highly sophisticated computer program software, which he designed especially for a supercomputer located in the moistened catacombs deep under Vatican City. Scanning Leonardo Da Vinci's, The Last Supper, into it, he was able to pickup images never before seen by man since first painted by the ingenious artist, inventor, and scientist himself more than half a millennium ago.

Images, which clearly depict two knights seated at each end of the table and a figure of a woman at Christ's side holding an infant. Is this the Da Vinci Code finally broken, evidence of the decedent of Jesus and Marie Magdalene?

"Yeah, well, that's at least what I saw," said Pesci, now frustrated after several days of trying to access the 'Da Vinci file'. "Yeah, I know what it sounds like, but I dare you to think of a better file name."

Excited about his findings, eager to share his discovery with the world, just as he attempted to email his collogues the evidence to confirm his historical findings, he noticed the computer began to act strangely.

"It began to erase all the data related to the Da Vinci file from its random access memory and then locked me out of its hard drive," said Pesci. "I thought it was a virus at first, but it only locked me out of the Da Vinci file. All other files and programs remain accessible."

Pesci states the computer has also accessed all Vatican library files on everything Da Vinci all its own and has begun making requests for information from other computer data banks all over the world on Da Vinci.

"I never designed it to do that," said Pesci. "If I didn't know better, I'd say the computer is consciously refusing to share the information me, while collecting everything it can on Da Vinci. But that would be ridiculous. Still, it is strange."

All the proof that Pesci has of his monument discovery of quite possibly the century is what he managed to printout before the computer began erasing the valuable data and locking him out.

"The images are useless without the computer data for others to analyze," continued a stressed Pesci. "The secret of the Da Vinci Code is in there. I just can't get it out right now, but I will. I just know I will."

Time is running out for Pesci, however, as it is rumored the new Pope, Benedict XVI, is about flood the lower catacombs of the Vatican to usher in a new conservative age for the Church by banning the use of all computers by Catholics, starting with its own. It is his latest push to bring the Church back to the basics of worship under Vatican I and has absolutely nothing to do with the breaking of the Da Vinci Code, say Vatican officials.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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