Vladivostok, Russian Federation. (Royters) - As the news conference concluded between the cheerful leaders of the free world, a smiling President George W. Bush left his podium and approached Russian leader Vladimir Putin with extended arms, patted his back, turned to the assembled dignitaries while leaning toward Putin's ear, and said: "I know this man's soul!" Then baring his teeth Bush suddenly engulfed and ripped Vladimir Putin's head off.
Blood spurted out of Putin's neck up to the ceiling and across the room, splattering horror-stricken journalists and cameramen. Grimacing in disgust, the President spit Putin's head into the trash can in the corner and rushed off to his waiting limousine.
Just before his unanticipated attack on Putin, Bush genially assured the Russian civil libertarian that he has no ulterior motive for deploying his Star Wars defense shield in the Czech Republic and Poland, saying that America and Russia should co-operate with each other in this peaceful enterprise meant to prevent nuclear attack on the United States from North Korea, Iran and the fruits and nuts on the San Francisco city council. Bush told Putin that the Russians and Americans share the same enemy, the French.
Putin, a competitive wrestler in his youth before he was inducted as a hit man into the KGB, the former Soviet Union's security forces, had no response. However, his not-yet-named replacement at the Kremlin recalled Russia's ambassador, Rosie McDonnell, from Washington D.C. in protest.
After wiping Putin's blood from his face using his jacket's sleeves and his tie, the President smiled, winked, and apologized for his sudden outburst and returned to his hotel room to change his clothes. Bush's prepared statement was read by White House spokesman Tony Snow who warned the new Kremlin in a short statement prepared by Carl Rove: "Stop f****ng with us!"
The President boarded Air Force One, turned and waved to the cheering Russians with Save-the-Whale signs, before the aircraft took off on its return flight to the United States.