Families face a new "pay as you throw" tax on rubbish under proposals to be unveiled by the Government.
They will have to pay extra to have their rubbish taken away, but first they will have to sort through it themselves and then bag it all up separately.
Under the proposals people will be provided with a slop bucket for food waste and kitchen scraps just like in prison, every day a lorry, with inspectors, will visit each housing estate to see what the refuse is like.
If there is anything not deemed as rubbish, the householders will be forced to take the slops back out of the bin and re-heat it and use it with any other leftovers or face a fine.
To combat global warming farts will be outlawed unless placed in a gas collecting receptacle installed in each house; each member of the family will have to log all gaseous eruptions and logs.
A Government spokesperson said "We need to be seen to be doing something about global warming ASAP; we need to make individuals accountable"
Fart collecting is just one of the many whiffy initiatives put forward, according to Anna Lee Retentive "this having a two fold function" she continued
"One being that the gas will not be allowed to escape, therefore reducing emissions and damage on the ozone layer.
The collected emissions can then be used to run the average household during the winter months when the need for fuels is greater, thus facilitating the demise of more than one avian specimen with a single sample of calcified mineral deposit"