Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 30 April 2007

image for Bob Woolmer Poisoned With Rohypnol
It was in the shrimps

A BBC investigation has learned that the ex-Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer was poisoned before he was strangularised.

Results of toxicology tests have shown the presence of Rohypnol in Woolmer's blood, confirming that he was incapacitated prior to his throttling.

Rohypnol is the so-called 'date rape drug' used so widely in Britains nightclubs every weekend prior to forced coitus.

Police have expressed amazement at the news because, although Woolmer was internationally known and respected amongst the cricketing fraternity, he was hardly what you would call 'a catch'.

The Rohypnol revelations are due to be made in the BBC's Pananory programme tonight.

Adam Parsnips, of Pananory, said:

"Old Bob often occupied the crease for so long, he gave the appearance of having been incapacitated by Rohypnol. This time it looks like he was."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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