MOSCOW - (Satire News) - The word on the communist streets of Moscow is that President Putin is angrier than a woodpecker with a limp pecker.
Putin, who is 69, but lately is starting to look 99, is reportedly very upset that the pride and joy of the Russian navy, the aircraft carrier The RS Mrs. Nikita Khruschev, is returning to Russia, after it was nearly sunk when a Ukrainian submarine the US Sea Bitch, hit it with 14 of the 15 torpedoes it fired at the vessel.
The Kremlin Voice reports that the one torpedo that missed the Russian aircraft carrier only missed hitting it by 2¼ inches.
Putin told two of his girlfriends to keep it under their bras (hats) that when the crew of the gigantic aircraft carrier returns back to Russia, he will be exiling each and every officer, sailor, and masseuse to Siberia, where a temperature reading of minus 19 is considered a fucking warm day.
