Man Is Always Right, Even When He Isn't

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 2 November 2020

image for Man Is Always Right, Even When He Isn't

It's been revealed how a writer who has a short fuse and a quick temper, and who regularly gets into arguments with people who don't agree with him, is always right, even when he's wrong.

The man, John Lesson, could start an argument in an empty house, and often argues with himself for practice.

When he does, both sides of the argument are declared 'right' - by him, of course.

Most people - most open-minded people - are prepared to enter into discussions conscious of the fact that, although they think they may have a good grasp of what they are talking about, there's just the faintest possibility that the other person might know something they, themselves, don't, which might force them to reconsider their viewpoint.

Not Lesson.

Once established, his opinion is fixed in concrete forever; anyone who doesn't agree with it is wrong. If others offer an alternative opinion, they are buttholes; if they should challenge him, it's war.

They make him fucking puke.

He solidifies his position by using swear words - often in UPPER CASE - to attack his opponent, as if these words were blunt instruments. He even invokes the spirits of dead painters, in the forlorn hope that these 'rebels' will rise up out of the past, and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him in defending his right to recreate the English language in his own image - that of Chaos.

The Master of Unnoticed Irony, Lesson recently responded to a rival's suggestions that writing might not be amongst his strengths, by addressing his reply:

"Dear Who-ever-you-are."

Lesson was busy masturbating, but gave this heated response:

"I won't be beaten! You can't teach me, persuade me, cajole me, or advise me! I know best! I always have, and I always will! It doesn't matter what you say! I am right, even when I'm wrong, which is usually the case!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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