Rock Legend Beats Bug

Written by Gerry Hatrick

Friday, 10 April 2020

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ROCK STEADY: Richards holds key to CV immunity

SCIENTISTS working on a vaccine for the coronavirus have made a breakthrough after sampling Rolling Stone Keith Richards’ blood.

After exposure to the deadly bacteria, blood from the band’s legendary founder was found to have actually gained antibodies that made it healthier than before.

Buoyed by this success, experts at the Porton Down laboratory, in England, hope to create a vaccine based on the 172-year-old guitarist’s blood.

A spokesman said: “Keith’s rock and roll lifestyle has clearly made him immune to infections that would debilitate the normal population.”

“Drugs, alcohol and falling out of trees, along with prolonged exposure to ear-drum bursting noise seem to have long-term health benefits.”

Scientists found that Richards, famous for hits such as Brown Sugar, Satisfaction and Honky Tonk Woman, was also resistant to rabies, ebola, SARS and bubonic plague, which they served to him in the form of a Jack Daniels cocktail.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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