Man Spends Pleasant Afternoon Killing Ants

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 9 March 2020

image for Man Spends Pleasant Afternoon Killing Ants
A few of the ants who are no longer with us

A man has told of how he spent a really rather pleasant afternoon, on Sunday, occupied in the killing of thousands and thousands and thousands of ants.

The ants in question had invaded the home, kitchen worktops and kettle of Englishman, Moys Kenwood, 56.

He first noticed a long, black line emerging from a tiny gap in the corner of his kitchen ceiling, which then made its way down the wall to the kitchen worktop where his wife prepares meals. From there, it made its way towards a bin, where a feast of discarded food awaited them.

A second, smaller, line of ants appeared in another part of the kitchen near an electrical socket, into which was plugged a kettle. The ants then disappeared into the kettle, in the same way people disappear into a pub.

Seeing all this, Kenwood became enraged, and instinctively took a cloth that was in some water in the sink, and 'wiped away' a very large number of the creatures.

This created panic in their ranks.

He clenched his fist, and busily annihilated many more that were trying to escape, by repeatedly bringing it down on the hand-side, then turned his attention to the kettle, which he switched on.

For a few moments, not much happened, but, as the water became warmer, there was a certain amount of anxiety, and ants began scurrying out of the machine. Kenwood unplugged the kettle, and commenced battle, using his fingertips to eradicate the pests, changing digits regularly.

After about twenty minutes of alternating between the two 'death sites', Kenwood emptied the kettle, cleaned it, put some fresh water in it, and boiled it for a victory cup of tea.

Later, his wife called him into the kitchen, and pointed to the tiny gap in the kitchen ceiling, out of which several thousand ants were again pouring, heading towards the bin.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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