Scientists have discovered that eating certain species of ants could save half of the world from starvation, and those who are obese, and love junk food, should be forced to eat ants to save astronomical health costs and airlines enlarging their seat…
A man who had severely itchy knackers, this morning, thought he might have had an ant in his underpants. The man, who spoke to me on condition of anonymity, said that he had been sat in the kitchen doorway of his home, talking to his wife, who was...
A man who has some time on his hands after having been given two weeks off work due to the Coronavirus pandemic, has disclosed his intention to undertake a scientific study into the world's ant population, and to discover just how many of them there...
A man has told of how he spent a really rather pleasant afternoon, on Sunday, occupied in the killing of thousands and thousands and thousands of ants. The ants in question had invaded the home, kitchen worktops and kettle of Englishman, Moys Kenw...
A man who was sleeping in his bed in the Thai capital of Bangkok, became alarmed when a stabbing pain in his penal column caused him to sit bolt upright and shout: "Aaaaaagh! Fuuuckinellll!" Moys Kenwood, 52, had returned home from work in a st...
A British lady has been viciously attacked in her own garden by biting ants, leaving her in a state of great undress. Librarian Catherine Catlow had decided to plant some trailling sweet peas along a border when she found herself perched precariou...
The Cosmos - Space paleoentomologists (WTF dat? 'Ed') at NASA's insect fossil cloning division are studying reports that a species of glacier ant indigenous to comets has gummed up the works in the International Space Station. Close-ups of a colon...
Lincoln, Nebraska- A woman frantically rang a local poison information line after her 7 year old daughter ate some black carpenter ants in the back yard. The operator assured her that the ants were harmless but advised against the child eating any...
MOSCOW - The Russian News Agency, Vodkavich has just announced that Russia's premier satellite Siberia 7 has just sent back some astonishing photos taken of the planet Mercury. A spokesperson for Vodkavich said that 17 of the 19 photographs clearl...
A Dutch woman has been accused at the International court of justice in the Hague of genocide because she massacred a million (not exactly counted because the rascals are cannibals and many of the dead bodies were eaten) ants outside her front door.
Flying ants eh? What do you do with them? Good question. On the face of it, flying ants are fucking useless. But are they? We sent Skoob Magazine's very own Martin Shuttlecock out to investigate. He unearthed the following facts down the pub: * The best way to deal with them, is to stamp on them, or hit the fuckers with a rolled up newspaper. *If there are literally millions of the bug...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, who frequently describes himself as 'a suave and sophisticated man about town' (Somewhat misguidedly, it has to be said.) was reduced to a jibbering wreck last night following a horrific terror attack shocker perpetrate...
According to Mr. Redbody, guard number 3425 of the colony, rescue workers today searched for victims of a giant foot that tripped through several local colonies this weekend, killing at least 234 in Antville, where a devastating foot touched down and...
Washington - According to Col. Wilhelm Worste of the Army Cold Weather Research Station at Glacier Falls, New Mexico, tiny ice ants, which he refers to as tiny ice ants, survive in frozen tiny igloo like snow compounds and glaciers where they whittle...
Exiled Bolivian dictator and part time scribe for popular satirical website theSpoof.com, Colonel Juan, today revealed that he suffered a terrifying ordeal at the site of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor meltdown. The Colonel, a much reviled figure i...
I saw the headline "50-Cent Solution to Get Rid of Ants" and it stopped me in my tracks. I thought, "man, not only is this guy one of the best rappers in the business, but he is stepping so far out of the box, we have to applaud him. Sure, he endorse...
That's the question a group of scientists are asking after observing a particular colony of ants "working their little asses off" day after day just outside their offices next to the main sidewalk. Dr. Jeff Dunkirk, lead entomologist in the new st...
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