Man Was Surprised To Find Toilet Instructions On Wall

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 26 October 2019

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The idiot's guide to using a toilet

A man who urgently needed to visit the toilet in a local shopping center was surprised to discover a poster on the wall that provided diagrammatic instructions on how to use the facilities.

Moys Kenwood, 56, was shopping with his family in Battambang, when he realized he needed to urinate, and scurried away to do so before he did it in his underpants. The two urinals provided were occupied, and so he darted inside a cubicle. Once inside, he noticed the notice.

What he had thus far taken for granted, due to his flawless, civilized upbringing, was laid out in pictorial fashion for those unacquainted with western-style luxury, and who had previously relieved themselves in bushes, undergrowth, at roadsides, in shop doorways, bus shelters, or on any available wasteland.

Images of a man sitting down whilst taking a dump, and standing in front of a urinal whilst taking a pee, were given a 'green tick' for correct behavior, as was another of a man washing his hands after completing his business.

A picture of a man disposing of an apple core in a bin also received a green tick, whilst - in the same picture - his left hand chucking something yellow into the bog was awarded a red cross.

Two other images were also given red crosses. One was of a man perched acrobatically on the rim of the toilet, as if he were trying to gain points for artistic impression, whilst in the other a man could be seen gleefully emptying his bladder into, onto and around the toilet bowl, in the manner usually employed by most males everywhere.

Kenwood was mindful of the fact that he was in 'red cross territory', but he was busting, and congratulated himself on being able to use the facility in a dignified manner, and with only a few minor splashes of piss ending up on the toilet seat, and a tiny puddle on the floor.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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