Cricket Fan Went To The Toilet, And Missed Second Innings

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 26 July 2019

image for Cricket Fan Went To The Toilet, And Missed Second Innings
Mike had a poor view of the game

A crazy Test match ended in crazy fashion yesterday, as Ireland, set a total of only 182 runs to beat England, crumbled in dramatic fashion, and were all out for only 38, much to the surprise of one TV viewer who had gone to the toilet for a crap.

Ireland were playing only their third Test match, and, having dismissed the hosts for only 85 on the first morning, batted reasonably well to score 207, and restricted England's second innings to 303, had put themselves within reach of a famous victory.

Then the wheels fell off.

Mike Jackman, a keen cricket fan, had settled down to watch the match on TV, but, it being 'twitchy-bum' time with the game hanging in the balance, he popped upstairs to go to the toilet, to relieve his bowel.

As he sat on the porcelain throne biting his nails, he speculated on what was going on at Lords. He could faintly hear cheers and applause, and imagined hordes of Irish supporters celebrating each boundary, swilling beer down their throats, as they laughed from ear to ear.

Whilst crapping, he caught sight of one of his many men's magazines, and spent 'a minute or two' appreciating the fine artistic abilities of the photographer.

The cheers and applause from the TV roused him from his magazine, and he finished his business, and went back downstairs.

He said later:

"I was a bit longer than I'd expected to be, but, however you look at it, that was a pretty quick dismissal."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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