Man Got Out Of Bed On The Wrong Side

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 20 August 2019

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A typical brick wall earlier

"Early to bed, early to rise" goes the old maxim, but it was this 'early rise' and the darkness in which it was enacted, that proved the undoing of one man in his southeast Asian bedroom hellhole last week.

Moys Kenwood, 56, had to be up especially early, set his alarm for an alarmingly-early 4:45am, and slept like a baby.

When 4:45 arrived, seemingly only minutes later however, the Englishman jerked awake in fright, and, disoriented by the darkness and the hour, tried to get out of bed on the left hand side.

This was an error.

For the last three years, Kenwood has got out of bed on the right-hand side, which makes sense, as this is the side without a wall blocking the way. Why he would, after all this time, change sides and clatter headfirst into a brick wall, has not yet been made clear.

According to his wife, he swore badly, and asked, almost shouting:

"Who put that bloody wall there?"

Nobody admitted to it, and Kenwood stormed downstairs for his breakfast, cursing.

He later arrived at work nursing a lump on his forehead the size of a golf ball.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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