10 Hours of Darth Vader Breathing Heavily on YouTube Still Available

Funny story written by Wesley Janson

Sunday, 17 March 2019

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Are you a lonely and emotionally-disturbed person who drinks too much and feels upset with life all the time? Does alcohol and excessive substance abuse help you deal with reality? Do you ever wonder if your deeply-conflicted soul will ever find answers? Do attractive and beautiful women keep turning you down when you ask them to spend a relaxing evening with you while watching Poltergeist, Part 2 on Netflix? Did your penis accidentally fall out of your boxer briefs while you were exercising on the elliptical machine last Thursday, causing everybody to laugh hideously at you?

If your answer to all of these questions is a big "YES," then you need to know that 10 hours of Darth Vader breathing heavily on YouTube are still available.

The brooding, angry, tyrannical, heartless "Star Wars" character can be listened to for exactly 600 minutes before you take a melatonin pill and cry yourself to sleep on your pillow.

Say 'good-bye' to the endless evening hours of stimulating your genitalia to Elvira's cleavage and poorly-made 70s porn videos, and begin listening to Darth Vader on YouTube instead.

For those who are wondering, audio tapes of The Godfather, Part 3 are also available for joggers who want to feel intensely sick after listening to all 2 hours and 42 minutes of the dialogue before passing out in total exhaustion.

Although Darth Vader's burned lungs and heavy breathing are free, audio tapes of The Godfather, Part 3 must be ordered online with a credit card. If purchased before May, the audio tapes are complimented with cheap microwavable spaghetti, excessive diarrhea, and a large box of Hollywood scripts that should have never been turned into films.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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