Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 28 June 2018

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image for Facebook Knows What You Did Last Summer
He knows, oh yes, he does

There was troubling news for the 'Social Media Generation' today, when it was revealed that, not only does Facebook know your politics, sexual preferences, favorite foods, favorite music, books, movies and sports teams, but it is also very well aware of what you did last summer.

The recent controversy involving Cambridge Analytica, and Facebook supremo Mark Zuckerberg's subsequent grilling by Congress, should have alerted people to the very real threat to their privacy that is going on both under their noses, and behind their backs. Sadly, many seem unable to break their 'habit' and trash Facebook.

Today's news, however, may jolt them into action. Retired accountant, Jerry Fitzbaum, and his wife, Jenny, spent more than $80,000 on a relaxing dream holiday-of-a-lifetime in the Maldives. They rented out an entire small island for their private use, and, along with service staff, spent three months there doing nothing. The only things they took with them were a few swimsuits and their smartphones. They sunbathed, swam, climbed trees, ate exotic fruits, and engaged in some 'bedroom things' they hadn't done since college, all in complete secrecy - or so they thought!

As soon as their trip was over, and they returned to New York, friends started to message them saying how great their holiday photos were. The Fitzbaum's were mystified - they hadn't shared any photos!

Then, one of Jerry's former colleagues called him and wanted to know about the steamy sex videos he'd seen on Jerry's Facebook page, and which he'd enjoyed so much, he'd shared with a whole host of their 'mutual friends'. The Fitzbaums went from 'mystified' to 'horrified'.

They asked Facebook how this could have happened, but were told that it was a public entity, and that anything they posted on Facebook could be viewed by anyone, unless they used the blocking tools. When they asked for clarification as to how the videos ended up in the public domain, Facebook replied that they were free to stop using the service AT ANY TIME, but that it was a complicated process to remove everything that they had ever posted.
Still, they were free to try.

As well as knowing what you did last summer, Facebook also knows your bank account PIN numbers, your credit card details, where you do your shopping, and what color undergarments you are wearing.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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