The Spoof's Brussels correspondent, Plagny Toxique, has received a copy of French President Macron's secret Brexit plans after a UK government warning that Dover and other Channel ports face disruption of up to six months if the UK leaves the EU without a deal.
In the fear of starving Britons illegally flooding across the English Channel or La Manche as the French prefer to call it, President Macron is determined to protect France's borders and has mobilised the French navy to do so. As it lacks sufficient numbers, Monsieur Le President has also engaged and trained an irregular force of French fishermen who are always up for a riot. It will be their task to blockade English channel ports to prevent small boats laden with refugees, Welsh lamb and Cheddar cheese from making illicit Channel crossings and smuggling cargo of brie, camembert, baguettes and croissants back to the ports of Kent. Concessions may be made for champagne and claret to pacify French vineyard owners.
An elite team of commandos has already made secret sorties into the Eurotunnel and laid demolition charges on the French side of the tunnel ready to be discharged at 0001 hours on 30th March 2019, one minute after so-called Brexit comes into force.
The Rt Hon Gavin Williamson CBE MP, UK Secretary of State for Defence, famous for telling Russia to "shut up and go away", told The Spoof "Ooh! That's not very nice. Don't worry, I'm putting HMS Victory in for a refit ready for any Froggy shenanigans."
Similar plans are rumoured to be in preparation by the Belgian government intending to starve Britons of Brussels pâté, Stella Artois, chocolate and waffles.
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