In a world full of terrorism, mass shootings, turmoil, stress, and increasing pressure, the 'Council of Concentrated Knowledge' (COCK) has combined its efforts with the 'Fundamentally United Cancer Knockers' (FUCK) to try to permanently eliminate smoking.
The head of COCK, Mr. Rod Semen, stated that cigarettes are clearly to blame for all of the world's problems. "We've studied this pretty thoroughly, and we have numerous statistics proving that tobacco is the lead cause of mental illness, divorce, psychological abuse, homicidal behavior, suicide, prejudice, gang violence, crime, international warfare, and domesticated pets that pass away," he stated.
Mrs. Oral Craving, the lead speaker of FUCK, agreed with him.
"Cigarettes are offensive to everyone. It's completely OK to put something in your mouth constantly as long as it's not a cigarette."
"We also need to spend some more money on anti-tobacco commercials," she added. "The singing, the dancing, and the cheerleading that they do is truly creative and inspirational. Everybody loves those commercials when they come on TV."
COCK and FUCK went out to interview several people in order to provide a balanced view on how the United States population (as well as the rest of the world) actually feels about smoking.
"Cigarettes are disgusting," said Mrs. Eva Roberts, a manic-depressive, sexually-inclined, heavily-medicated woman who has slept with at least 35 men and destroyed about 4 marriages in her lifetime.
"There is no such thing as a natural human inclination towards behavior that is wrong. If cigarettes were banned, people would probably never judge, try to control things, or even engage in selfish behavior that ruins the lives of others," Reverend Bob Patrick said before he cheated on his wife by finding a mistress, bending her over his kitchen counter, losing complete control of himself, and fucking her in the ass.
"We need to get rid of tobacco, it's just plain wrong," he added before blowing his load all over the place.
"I have a PHD in History, and I can clearly see that throughout the rise and fall of nations over the past 3000 years, cigarettes have been the main problem," said Professor Hugh Snob. "We need to ban tobacco just like they tried to ban alcohol in the 1920s and early 1930s. It worked out so well," he added.
The 'Council of Concentrated Knowledge' (COCK) and the 'Fundamentally United Cancer Knockers' (FUCK) have been very successful in recent years by reaching out to college campuses, corporations, big cities, and even local factories by targeting something that makes people temporarily happy in a world full of increasing pressure...and taking it away from them.
