Written by K.C. Bell

Friday, 2 June 2017

image for Putin Confesses to US 2016 Election Meddling? Of Course!
"I'm keeping Henry."

Earlier today from the Kremlin, Vladimir Putin announced that: Yes, he rigged the voting machines in Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin during the last US presidential election, and did so just to embarrass that NATO-loving, EU supporting, capitalist nation, helping to elect the greatest example of a narcissistic, misogynist, racist, clown for President of the United States. Adding, the clown didn't even know that Israel was in the middle-east.

Putin claimed that he retained a copy of all the votes that were switched from each precinct in the three states, and could prove that Hillary Clinton actually won the Electoral College vote as well as the popular vote and that Hillary is the legitimate President of the United States. Trump may be viewed as a clown, but as Hillary so eloquently said during the debates, he is, Putin's puppet.


"That son of a bitch!" he was purported to have said. Adding, that a promise was a promise. He was breaking up NATO for Putin. He denounced Germany and Merkel, as Putin wanted. He pulled out of the Paris Climate Accord. He's giving back two Russian compounds in Maryland and New York that Obama took away in December. He ditched the defense arms for the Ukraine from the Republican platform. He's lifting sanctions. He promised total cooperation, letting Putin call the shots in return for oligarch money loans. What more did that shrimp want?

"The gold plated toilet in your condo at Trump Towers."

Trump was reported to have been flabbergasted. "No way he's taking Henry."

Told that he was caught between the pincers of the Russia special prosecutor's investigation and Putin's election allegations, the one way to eliminate Putin's allegations was to give up his gold plated toilet, Henry.

"Not Henry."

"But you could end up in jail for obstruction of justice. Give up Henry. Cancel out any question about the illegitimacy of your election. Putin will deny today's announcement. Then you can concentrate on the obstruction of justice case.

"Nah. I'll create a distraction. Start a border war with Canada, send troops, fire the special prosecutor and keep Henry."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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