EU Court to outlaw Bono

Written by Insert Name Here

Wednesday, 31 August 2016

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BRUSSELS - In the aftermath of the European Commission's decision to reprimand Apple over their tax avoidance they have now turned their attention to rock star, humanitarian and professional pranet Bono. Controversially, in 2006, U2 opted to move their entire song catalogue to the Netherlands shortly before tax exemption of musicians' royalties was set to end in the Republic of Ireland. Bono defended this move by arguing that Jesus told him to or something. I wasn't really listening.

The European Commission has suggested a controversial new ruling that will target U2's blatant tax avoidance.

"We are proposing to outlaw Bono" Jean-Claude Juncker said when talking about discussions afoot concerning U2.

"I'm sorry" the journalist asked, visibly confused "do you mean you are planning to declare Bono's tax avoidance illegal?"

"No, we're just going to outlaw Bono" Juncker replied, adding that "I think many people will support this move." Juncker states that he has not considered the ramifications of such a ban, but argues that if he hears the ungodly intro to "Beautiful Day" one more time he's going to murder someone. We here can sympathise.

Bono is yet to comment on the proposals as he is too busy currently saving Africa. Or being on his private yacht. One of the two. Speaking on behalf of the other half of U2 Adam Crayon.....Crayton....Clay-something and Lenny Mullet Junior stated that they would welcome the proposal, as would, like, everybody else.

Jesus has said that he welcomes the proposal and wishes that he too could outlaw Bono, adding that he lets all of Bono's prayers go to voicemail.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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