A Modest Proposal for UN Peacekeeper Babies

Funny story written by Anissa Coury

Monday, 15 June 2015

"Peacekeeper Babies" have long been a thorn in the side of the United Nations. It is an unfair expectation that the men serving these impoverished nations should be expected not to exploit the very people they are there to help.

In an effort to prevent Peacekeeper Babies in poor nations where the United Nations has peacekeeping troops stationed, member nations are pushing for UN Resolution 1557 to pass. The resolution, being called by Secretary General Ban-Ki-Moon "the only reasonable option", calls on the United Nations Population Fund to continue with their practices of coerced sterilization and forced abortions.

A report by Prince Zeid Ra'ad Zeid al-Hussein of Jordan in 2005 suggested measures such as increasing the presence of female peacekeeping personal, DNA tests to establish paternity, and strict penalties for offenders, is currently not being considered as a viable course of action. It was noted by a high ranking official that spoke on the condition of annoynomity stated the UN has "no authority to conduct criminal investigations, and no authority in general, really".

In addition to the embarrassment it is causing the men who fathered and abandoned these children, it should be noted that about half of the paternity claims reported since January 2010 have been by minors claiming they were sexually abused. Single teen mothers raising these children would only further contribute to the demise of their respective nations. Sterilization is the only reasonable measure to insure unintended pregnancy. In an effort to empower these women, however, should they choose to opt out of sterilization and become pregnant, they will simply be forced to have an abortion.

UN peacekeeping troops have also been instrumental in stimulating the local economies. It is usually the most impoverished faucets of society that are targeted and given the opportunity to earn between $1-$3 per sexual encounter. They have also supported the brothels in Kosovo since the 1990's, employing women forced into prostitution.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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