North Korea declares war on United States, announces victory half hour later

Funny story written by StubbornGorilla

Tuesday, 24 March 2015

image for North Korea declares war on United States, announces victory half hour later
North Korean citizens emulating their leader's unique hairstyle

North Korean Dictator, King Jong Un has declared war on the United States, after what was reported in KCNA as "a continued, flagrant disregard for the increased demand for hair gel in recent weeks mostly due to the peoples' desire to emulate their beloved leader's neato hair style."

No independent reports have been able to confirm the increased demand for hair gel, but judging by the leader's recent do it is not hard to fathom that it would, indeed take a lot of product to keep that thing in place, especially if other North Korean citizens are attempting to copy it.

The more puzzling aspect of today's announcement was the fact that within a half hour of declaring war on the U.S. the North Korean government quickly declared victory stating that, "we have liberated all of the available hair product from the clutches of the vile American empire, and have secured the ability of our loving followers to emulate their Supreme Leader for generations hence." The statement also alluded to America now being "a smoldering ball of ash at the feet of our Great Leader."

President Obama was asked to comment on the international crisis, and stated, "So, what?" which would have infuriated the Peoples' Republic if they were still acknowledging the existence of the United States.

U.S. Secretary of State, John Kerry was also asked what to make of the statements coming out of North Korea, "We take them about as seriously as anything else that comes out of Pyongyang, which is to say we ignore it."

Asked why America wasn't taking the threat more seriously he added, "In this instance, since I can look out the back window and see that America still exists it is hard to become too alarmed by what North Korea is saying. Most of the time I find it hard to keep a straight face when we hear something from them."

And as you know Mr. Kerry has a very straight face.

Chances seem slim that anything will actually come of this situation, but it will be interesting to see how North Korea attempts to broach any further dealings with a country they have declared obliterated.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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