How Kim Jung Un Promoted The Interview

Written by K.C. Bell

Thursday, 5 February 2015

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Few realize that head of North Korea, Kim Jung Un, was one of the financial backers of the Sony production The Interview, a film depicting a humorous attempt at his assassination.

After viewing a private screening, Mr. Kim Jung Un quickly realized that he would not make any return on his investment. The film's raunchiness indicated it would be headed straight down the loo. (Word changed in contrast to the film's dialogue.)

Disappointed by a potential investment failure, Kim Jung Un disappeared from public view for over a month. News agencies speculating on his absence or perhaps death, only to have him re-emerge with a solution to his predictable financial failure: Protest the film and threaten the United States and Sony pictures with lethal action if the film is shown in theatres. Such threats would create super hype for a D-class film, move it up to C-class and he would break even on his investment.

Threatened, Sony pictures immediately folded, canceled the premiere, went to ground and were mysteriously hacked by a cyber attack.

North Korea shrugged and claimed it knew nothing about any cyber attack.

President Obama said Sony pictures were making a big mistake capitulating to a form of censorship by a third world country and silencing freedom of speech.

The film immediately skipped C-class and moved directly to B-class status. Kim Jung Un was just above breaking even on his investment.

That old Salman Rushdie argument and fatwas were brought into the mix; along with what author Stephen King told bookstore owners who had planned to ban Rushdie's Satanic Verses.

Sony Productions relented and gingerly decided to stream the film over the Internet and premiere it at certain unnamed secured underground military bases.

The Interview was no longer headed straight down the loo.

Smiling again, Kim Jung Un was still a little peeved about the film: He'd been erroneously depicted as short and fat, with a bowl haircut and would have preferred Brad Pitt cast in his role. And instead of Seth Rogen and John Franco, he'd have liked both Anthony Hopkins and Ralph Fiennes.

Brad Pitt?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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