Moscow - An official Kremlin obit posted today described the politician's death as a four-bullet back-of-the-head tragedy, a classic 'suicide' in KGB terms.
Commenting on Russian breakfast TV Vladimir Putin looked tearful and borderline sincere as a crafty camera shot zoomed in on slices of onion near the presidential autocue.
"I shall miss Boris Nemtsov," Putin spluttered, "especially after learning an anagram of his name is Vomiter Snobs.
"Who can explain this strange new trend of political suicides sweeping the nation?
"Perhaps it's was the CIA."
Nemtsov had form as a politician serving as First Deputy Prime Monster under President Boris Yeltsin during the famous gay-reds-in-the-presidential-bed crisis of 1993.
Later he stood - as an Independent - in a massive pile of dog shit outside the Kremlin during Russia's tricky Chechen Wars.
Tonight a spokesperson for his probate attorneys, Rasputin Brothers, said their client had left all his worldly possessions to the Russian Nation in lieu of five million roubles owed in tax.
Mikhail Gorbachev's toenail clipper is 109.
