Pope Denounces Euthanasia

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Saturday, 15 November 2014

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Vatican. What is it?

POPE FRANCIS denounced the "Right to Die Movement" on Saturday 14th November 2014, saying that Euthanasia is a "sin against God and creation".

We talked to their Foreign Affairs Director at the Holy See, Jesuit Bishop Alphonse de Mason.

"The Vatican Bank has shares, has it not?... in arms manufacture around the world and is one of the biggest shareholders after Gussali Ugo Beretta in the Pietro Beretta arms factory? It has also got shares in Rolls Royce and other heavy-duty manufacturers of war machinery. Is this true or false?"

"This is false, unsubstantiated and untrue."

"The combination of profits from arm sales, investment in pharmaceutical companies and illegal drugs is estimated to be between $50 Billion to $200 Billion annual profit for the Vatican. Is this true or false?"

"This is false, unsubstantiated and untrue."

"Through these strategic investments, the Roman Catholic Church is without question the largest arms dealer, heartless exploiter and engineer of conflict and human misery, quite clearly a power-driven profiteer from the global pharmaceutical industry, as well as the single largest recipient of illegal drugs money of any organisation in the entire history of the world. Is this...."

"False, unsubstantiated and untrue. We live to help the poor."

"Is it true that Freemasonry has infiltrated the Vatican and is in fact in total control of its financial affairs?"

"False, unsubstantiated and untrue."

"Was your president of the Banco Ambrosiano Alberto Calvi murdered, at your insistence, by the the Masonic Branch known as Propagande2 ?"

"False, unsubstantiated and untrue."

"Can you see the hyrpocritical vastness between what you do and what you preach?

"False, unsubstantiated and untrue."

Is anything the Church does a "sin against God and creation?""

"I repeat, such allegations are false, unsubstantiated and untrue."

"Do you believe in Jesus Christ, Bishop? Do you know the lyrics to any other song besides "False, Unsubstantiated and Untrue"? Is that a hymn we haven't heard?"

"Now if you will excuse me, I have an urgent meeting with one of our legal advisors Herr Schillings of Berlin concerning this unfortunate meeting. Sister Mary will see you to the door."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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