Written by queen mudder

Thursday, 25 September 2014

image for Freed Abu Qatada shaves off beard, vows to replace Alex Salmond as head of Scottish Nationalists
Alex Salmond during his Tora Bora daze

Amman, Jordan - Radical hate-spreading preacher Abu Qatada walked from court a free man today following a Not Guilty verdict in the 'Millenium Plot' trial.

Prosecutors had claimed he sought to plant improvised explosive devices - IEDs - in a Jordanian building plot on New Year's Eve 1999.

But a lengthy and at times sensational terror trial collapsed after damning testimony from a pregnant mule was thrown out as by a skeptical judge.

The verdict saw Qatada hotfoot it straight to an uptown barbers where fifteen years of scraggy beard was ritually sheared off before the Autumn Equinox sunset.

Once referred to as Osama Bin Laden's Ass on account of the public-like quality of his mustache the Palestinian-Jordanian preacher also had a Lady Grecian 2000 hair tint, eyebrow wax and zit blasting session.

Tomorrow he's off to have his photo taken for a recently issued new Scottish Passport that former Nationalists' leader Alex Salmond personally delivered to his lawyers in Amman.

His old mucker Abu 'The Hook' Hamza is 69.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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