In a bold move designed to put the fear of Allah into any self respecting British Jihadist, notably those who have given up looking for worthwhile employment above minimum wage, Home Secretary Theresa 'don't call me Maggie'' May is planning to bring in new laws. These are to tackle the threat of British jihadists - including "anti-social behaviour orders" for extremists - and any other poor bastard who opposes the Tory Fourth Reich.
Mrs May will announce a three-point plan to counter British Muslim Extremists once she is sober and has located her underwear, warning that the security threat to the UK will continue for decades unless the minimum wage is raised to £11.50 per hour to counter potential proletariat riots, never mind ISIS.
The measures would target the activities of radical fruit loop preachers, such as Anjem Choudary, whose extreme slavering rhetoric currently does not constitute a crime due to British democracy and freedom of speech! Full details are yet to emerge, but the new powers will be designed to restrict extremist behaviour and language, such as is heard in the terraces at any football match, hen nights, stag do's, overcrowded BR trains, during London Underground strikes and punters trying to understand BT call centre operatives from Mumbai.
As with an Asbo, it could result in a criminal conviction carrying a jail term if breached, which in turn offers the 'offender' an all expenses paid vacation, courtesy of the taxpayer, plus a 'lifetime season ticket' to claim a raft of benefits as nobody wants to employ an ex-con, even assuming the vacancy was worth a toss!
Tess has unveiled her Agent Provocateur underwear on numerous occasions, usually during late night Parliamentary piss-ups with the boys and has also unveiled her crack……oops!, crackdown in an article in the Daily Mail, that famous 'early learning' newspaper.
She discloses (as she often loves to do) that she will make it illegal to join extremist groups, such as the Salvation Army, the Boy/Girl Scouts and even the Luton Girls Choir, but not directly involved in terrorism, yet!
Meanwhile, the opposition Laboured Party, lead by the ever dynamic and forceful Little Eddie Millipede have criticised Mrs May's plans as not going far enough and have demanded that anyone engaged in anti social behaviour should have their pocket money stopped and knuckles soundly rapped!
Part-time PM 'Do-nothing-Dave' was not immediately available to comment ON Mrs Mays proposals as he was on holiday somewhere or other and quite frankly, could not give a fucking toss!