Closing Ceremony in Crimea highlights Coalition failure

Funny story written by Crunk

Sunday, 2 March 2014

image for Closing Ceremony in Crimea highlights Coalition failure
Crimea and Punishment - closing ceremony for Ukraine

David Cameron faced stern questioning during PMQs on Friday when asked to explain why, two years on, the Coalition government has yet to take full advantage of the London 2012 legacy.

Stark comparisons have been drawn after Russia rode the wave of post-Sochi euphoria across the Ukranian border, deep into the heart of Crimea. Bemused Ukranians said they assumed it was part of the closing ceremony, and wondered if there will be pretty fireworks.

Nigel Farage challenged, "Mr Speaker. Can the Prime Minister explain to the House WHY he hasn't subdued Scotland and invaded somewhere half-decent, after hosting the proper Olympics, a Royal Wedding and Her Majesty's Diamond Jubilee all within a few weeks?" He went on to propose a vote of no confidence in the government for failing to capitalise on the Jubalympic hat-trick and the subsequent afterglow of Pippa Middleton's bottom.

A spokesman for the Ministry of Defence declined to specify exact reasons for government policy, but cited a combination of factors. "The MOD were very busy at the time snipping the wings off Nimrods and dismantling missile facilities from the roofs of London housing developments. In any case, all that stuff happened immediately before parliamentary summer recess, and it is always hard to book a decent conflict during the summer hols".

Putin is reported to have sent a postcard to David Cameron simply signed "Bare hugz. Vlad - x"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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