Obama to clarify "We don't want you meddling in our meddling, Vladimir" statement

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 2 March 2014

image for Obama to clarify "We don't want you meddling in our meddling, Vladimir" statement
Asked for its view of the current morass, this emu along the Crimea border had no comment.

The current crisis in Ukraine is drawing a lot of interpretation, with western media leaning toward the view Putin threatens democracy in the Ukraine.

Putin is in various phases of demonization from stalwarts of the free world's press at this time, whereas President Obama is striding boldly forth on the "We are righteous" angle.

But some analysts have pointed out this purity is shadowed a bit by the economic interests of the US and EU, including the search for the right kind of government to help implement those plans.

Borrowing from Harry Truman the US would like to have "our son of a bitch" in charge, and here is Vladimir messing things up and resisting.

Also resisting are about half the population of the Ukraine, including the Crimea, where the Russians have taken up guard duty at the request of the Crimea government.

Some analysts view Putin's move as common sense by using a military force to keep order. Others see the fangs of aggression as with taking over.

The situation has been compared to supposing the US had a similar situation along one of its borders.

Then Vladimir comes along to say, "Beware of meddling into this situation. We do not take it kindly. There could be consequences."

Due to all this tumult and varying interpretation, a spokesperson for white house spokesperson Jay Carney has come forward to establish clarity.

He immediately addressed the "meddling" charge, which in Obama's statement was diplomatically phrased as "military intervention."

Mr. Carney's spokesperson asserted, "US interests here are only in terms of what's good for the people of Ukraine. They need economic help. That's one of our main concerns. And we can help in this regard.

"As to trade we're open to that too, as is the European Union, and of course utilizing the IMF.

"We're looking for dynamic relationships globally when regime change--I mean when circumstances change--toward our interests in the region.

"As to Ms. Nuland's comment recently, supposedly directed at the EU and its interests, well, sometimes playful remarks are misinterpreted.

"I know that's difficult to grasp, especially as, for example, Mr. Carney is never playful . . .

"But certainly neither he nor President Obama would ever say 'F**k you' to Mr. Putin unless they absolutely had to.

"However! Please let me be clear going forward here!

"It was not President Obama who used the word 'meddle.' That is interpretation by the media.

"Nor does the United States meddle, as some have suggested. Meddling is against policy, and this policy is carefully scrutinized every day, if not twice a day.

"As to the controversy over Ms. Nuland there is no substance whatever. We're not even sure that actually was Victoria Nuland discussing who we want to run the country.

"NSA and assorted agencies are investigating.

"As to inconsistencies. None. We see none and we want none.

"And, once again, with all due respect, we must caution Mr. Putin to follow our model for global affairs."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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