Scottish 'gay beer' all the rage in Sochi

Funny story written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 4 February 2014


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A beer drinker checks out the specific gravity

Sochi, Black Sea - An Indian Pale Ale retailing under the Homo Erectus label has been dubbed a prostate - uh, protest! - brew by the local Russian Olympic Committee overseeing a ban on same-sex hanky panky during the Games.

Brewed in Scotland's Bunny Prints Charlie brewery near Balmoral Castle the drink is considered an absolute delicacy by hop lovers everywhere including the Vatican.

In 2000 the Pontifical Orifice for the Congregation of Stuff awarded it an official Papal imprimatur after the Pope credited it with miraculously reassigning his housekeeper Sister Ingrid Stampa's orientation from diehard, mustachioed lesbian to sweet, hetero Barbie Doll status.

This morning 1,000 crates of the stuff arrived at the Sochi Olympic Village along with two tons of Scottish bar snacks such as air-dried deep-fried haggis bites and Loch Ness kippers.

A commemorative 200-gallon barrel decorated with pink ribbons was also part of the consignment which brewers had addressed for the personal attention of President Putin.

Commenting on the situation a Black Sea barman who asked to remain anonymous said Homo Erectus was already his favorite tipple, after Queeries Old Peculiar and eggnog-infused lager.

A pint of the gay stuff will set you back 50 roubles at the Games.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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