Feds poised to swoop on Roman Abramovich's $75m Fifth Avenue pad

Written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

image for Feds poised to swoop on Roman Abramovich's $75m Fifth Avenue pad
He is not, I repeat not, my firstborn bastard

New York - Buoyed by last month's seizure of a $700million Iranian money laundering tower at 650 Fifth Avenue the FBI is about to flex its repo muscles once again just a half dozen blocks up the prime Manhattan street.

The object of their interest is a white glove co-op known as 828 Fifth Avenue which has been 80% bought up by dodgy Russian mobster Roman Abramovich in a $75m fire sale of four out of the mansion's six apartments.

Reports from Upper East side realtors suggest another $15 - $40million should secure the remaining condos ahead of the entire Berwind Mansion's remodeling into a swish single occupation dwelling.

"It was enough to make a humbly-born toerag like Roman Abramovich feel like the King of Manhattan," Delores Gonzales Blanco-Blanco, realtor to mexabux wannabes said today, "until the feds got a whiff of it."

A highly covert National security Agency wiretap of the preposterous Russian has established he is an out and out impostor and the son of faux British heir to the throne Prince Charles.

Abramovich's latest money-making scam has seen him 'partner' the Ecuadorian state oil company PetroEcuador in a bit of litigation harassment against US super major Chevron.

That's a $19BILLION bit of harassment in an environmental pollution shakedown now before a New York racketeering/embezzlement/corruption court.

"Abramovich is neck-high in Ecuadorian bullshit," Ms Blanco-Blanco added as rumors of an imminent FBI swoop went viral.

"Wanna see pics of the mansion's interior, all scarlet flock wallpaper and Gucci lavatory seats?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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