Written by joseph k winter

Monday, 26 August 2013

image for Crossing the move-it-right-along into Syria
"As I've said time and again with this sort of thing, let's get on with it!"

News from the Syria front indicates steely resolve and knife-sharp thinking are guiding new American enterprises toward battle--at long last--in Syria.

Rebel jihadi opposition groups are reported jubilant at US maneuvering, and pausing for the moment from battling each other.

With Libya as model recently, takeover in Syria by roving militias of various persuasions once the Americans withdraw is being eagerly anticipated, a new chaos about to be embraced.

As to pretexts, there is nothing to the suspicions.

Somebody--by whom has not been established, although rebel forces previously have been implicated in fraudulence--somebody has a) initiated a chemical weapons attack; b) faked initiating a chemical weapons attack by the other side; c) used some other kind of attack to look like a chemical weapons attack.

President Obama is reported pacing a White House carpet.

Into which possibilities--and itching for confirmation to exonerate rebel complicity--US officials John Kerry, Susan Rice, Chuck Hagel are pondering, brains keenly engaged.

News analysts have been asking questions.

Could it be the red line has (finally) been crossed? Is it really time to be crossing the Rubicon (sorry, that is crossing the move-it-right-along) into Syria?

As with a no-fly zone and all that bombing (some collateral damage admitted, perhaps not in the too many civilian thousands).

Plus the complexity and tender balancing act required due to all the uneasiness and protestations coming out of other countries not so keen for the conflict.

Has the moment of decision at last arrived?

Military analysts have been reflecting on precedents to assist the way forward.

Recall bombing Yugoslavia, then the non-existent WMD of Iraq, then the liberation of Libya into its current quagmire and how well all those worked out.

These same military analysts have been asked how does attacking Syria defend the US, especially since our allies in-country would mostly be al Qaeda types?

The military analysts mumbled and chattered together, talking over each other in a lot of confusing noise, but then one thin voice did emerge to state clearly:

"It's not US defense we're talking here, you see. It's US interests. And that really means we need to get moving right along into the next stage of things. Syria, then Iran."


"And after that, we'll leave it to your imagination."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
77 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more