Washington DC - The FDA today ruled that a new device that detects contaminated food is a terrorist device since it can be used to damage corporations producing GMO foods.
Dr. Strange Death, spokesman for the FDA, made the announcement to a packed auditorium today. At the press conference, he stated that the device is classified as an infernal machine and anyone caught using one will be tried by military tribunal.
The FDA also issued a ruling that use of the device constitutes medical terrorism, as it may impact the cash flows in the medical, hospital, and and undertaking professions.
The device is also capable of detecting aspartame.