Bush To Cut And Run, Actually

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Saturday, 24 December 2005

image for Bush To Cut And Run, Actually
"Here I go."

At a White House briefing, press secretary Scott McKellan announced that President George W. Bush intends to cut and run from his staged addresses before safe, freeze dried, cherry picked audiences at military installations, and instead move to address more aggressive groups, holding unrehearsed town hall meetings with question and answer period afterward. "Can you hear me now?"

First stop: Abu Ghraib prison facility in Iraq answering every question until the camels come home at dawn. Eliminating the impression that he was cutting and running from the mother of a fallen soldier, he will also meet face to face with Cindy Sheehan, a single individual who appears to have modestly mobilized into the first anti war movement since Vietnam. Next stop, New Orleans and meeting with the Katrina survivors at the Super Dome. The networks intend bidding for television rights of these events with the same enthusiasm demonstrated when bidding for the Olympics, Super Bowl or Academy Awards. "I'd like to thank my plastic surgeon."

Jumping on the cut and run bandwagon, Dick Cheney was seen piping, leaping, and drumming his way up to Capital Hill, like eleven ladies dancing, promoting his torture exemption for the CIA. "We need answers. Forget that answers derived by torture led us into war in Iraq in the first place. Good or bad, we still need answers." His version of cut and run is more like a cut, paste and delete on a computer. He'll no longer use the word torture, but instead has managed to sanitize it with the term: Persuasive Discovery.

"But have no doubt about it, we need the Persuasive Discovery exemption for the CIA by Christmas or this whole world could go up in one giant big mushroom cloud." It has not been established yet whether Haliburton is in the business of manufacturing Persuasive Discovery equipment. They do, however make drills...

An unknown source has revealed that the President also appears to be cutting and running from the Constitution by ordering telephone wiretaps without judicial approval. Ticked that his actions were made public, he is commiserating with Valerie Plame on having been outted by a snitch, and perhaps sharing an early retirement through impeachment. Laura Bush may be tapped to write an op-ed piece for the New York Times defending her husband's actions, concluding with, "George, you're doing one heck of a job."

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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