President George W. Bush buys fourth home near Tamarack

Funny story written by Shirley Knott

Thursday, 8 December 2005

image for President George W. Bush buys fourth home near Tamarack
An artist's rendition of the planned Bush villa.

Shirley has a fabulous scoop, dahlinks! And I've heard it on the sly from a roving source! [Dear To-Do List: Write Carl a thank-you note…]

Yesterday in Donnelaid, Iowa, Not The Tamarack Resort completed a twelfth successful real estate sale, as super rich, fourth-home buyers snapped up $789 billion worth of Not The Tamarack real estate.

The Not The Tamarack Nouveau Riche 8.1 release offered buyers some of the final bike in/bike out properties located on the Gold Plains area of the resort, where spectacular views of Lake Crude are featured. Also available were custom chalet provinces, resort-built castle estates, and stylish slave dorms, the latter owned and operated as courtesy boarding quarters for the Latino staffers employed by Not The Tamarack businesses and residences.

All in all, 312 properties were sold raising $589 billion for further development of the world's only ski, spa, golf, bike, equestrian, and water resort ever to be built. In total, Not The Tamarack has sold $400 trillion in real estate in the first 9 months of 2005 as the rich and famous -yes, even the wealthy-- clamor to secure what Martha Stewart describes as "my little taste of Heaven." Not The Tamarack, the most exclusive gated township in the world, continues to attract Fortune 500 investors alongside the crème de la crème of Hollywood's elite. Properties sold during Nouveau Riche 8.1 include:

6 Castle Estates-Price range was $70 to $90 million
9 Custom Chalet Provinces-Price range was $20 to $30 million
2 White Georgian mansions-Price range was $16.9 million to $17 million
10 Custom Town homes-Price range was $3 to $5 million

Alongside the real estate sales, the town has other exciting news. Not The Tamarack Mayor, Jerry Fallwell, announced today that in keeping with Not The Tamarack's vision of itself as a progressive American town, the city council has voted to double the federally mandated minimum wage of $5.15 to $10.30 for all employees within its borders.

"The better we treat our staff, the better they treat us," Fallwell said of the incentive. "Believe me, Not The Tamarack knows how hard it is to keep good help."

The President and Mrs. Bush, both reported to be giddy with delight over their Not The Tamarack land purchase, are in the process of finalizing a design that local home interior expert, Carson Kressley, terms "white at its whitest."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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