President Killed?

Funny story written by Bill Tinsley

Thursday, 15 December 2005

image for President Killed?
His Majesty Denies the Rumor

The buzz around Washington DC was centered around a rumor that President George W. Bush was killed by a roadside bomb. While it eventually proved untrue it set off a storm of peaceful celebrations about the world. According to the hearsay President Bush was landing in Bagdad when his plane struck a hidden mine and exploded in a fiery display of pyrotechnics. Upon hearing this, spontaneous celebrations broke out in the Middle-east, Asia and South America. One Frenchman interviewed exclaimed, "Viva La France, the war criminal is dead." When asked why he called the President a criminal, the Frenchman replied with a list of international crimes that are too long for us to quote.

The Iraqis partied all night after hearing the news. One man interviewed said, "Finally we will find peace in our nation. Too long we have suffered the injustices of that man." One couple named their newborn child "Mohammad Lucky Day Salim,". The clerics in nearby Iran broke their abstinence to drink a toast upon hearing of the President's death. In Rome the Pontiff broke his celibacy, ahh, but that story is to racy for our publication.

In America, there were mixed reactions. The man in the street was elated when he assumed his constitutional rights would be restored. Right away the federal government shut down for mourning their commander and chief. Simultaneously, the bars and nightclubs around the the capital reported record crowds in frenzied celebration. The Whitehouse spokeman Scott McClellen quickly assured everyone that this phenomena was just a coincidence, but he could not explain why Halliburton stocks doubled in price. Our investigative reporter found that, with the news, it was assumed Dick Cheney would become the President and therefore Halliburton profits would soar.

When the news finally broke that the President was alive and well, much of the world went into deep mourning. Even the Imams of Iraq were seen crying like babies. In America many flags flew at half mast without an official order being given.

The President was extremely angry over the rumor and immediately blamed it on Iranian and Syrian terrorists and ordered an immediate attack on those nations. However, this publication's low level investigation found the gossip was started by a old man in the rain forests of the Olympics. We found it was amazing, after this simple act, the news traveled instantly around the world. Such is the power of the Internet and the yearnings of many people.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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