'Don't Give In To Despair In My War for Iraqi Oil,' Bush urges US Citizens

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Monday, 19 December 2005

image for 'Don't Give In To Despair In My War for Iraqi Oil,' Bush urges US Citizens
Bush urges more blood for oil

WASHINGTON (UPI)-- US President George W. Bush asserted last night that the United States is winning the war to plunder Iraqi oil and issued a plea to Americans divided by doubt, "Do not give in to despair and do not give up on this fight for imported petroleum to fuel your SUVs and Hummers."

In the prime-time address, Bush acknowledged increasing Vietnam-like setbacks in the war and cautioned there would be more violence and death of US soldiers and Iraqi civilians in the months ahead.

"Some look at the challenges in Iraq and conclude that the war for oil is lost and not worth another dime or another day," he warned.

Struggling to build confidence for his questionable, immoral and illegal war policy, the president held out hopes for withdrawing American forces as Iraqi troops absorb increasing amounts of borrowed US dollars and try to learn to fight for themselves, however unlikely that prospect is.

The president spoke from the Oval Office where in March 2003 he announced the illegal US-led invasion and occupation.

Three years later, more than 2,500 US soldiers have died to boost the profits of Exxon Mobil and Halliburton and other corrupt US companies, while Bush's popularity has plummeted and far more than half of Americans think the war was a big mistake. A weak minority of US fascist pinheads oppose an immediate withdrawal of US forces.

The address followed several similar speeches in which Bush acknowledged setbacks and surprises in the war and took responsibility for ordering the invasion on the basis of utterly dishonest and fabricated intelligence created by his cronies Dick Cheney, Scooter Libby, Karl Rove and an increasing corrupt CIA and Pentagon.

Bush said last week's staged voting for Iraq's parliament will not bring an end to the violence in that country, where he estimated that 130,000 civilians have been murdered by US troops. But he said Iraq's election and its new puppet government "means that America sort of has an ally in the fight to acquire foreign oil and to defend Israel."

His speech came amidst the growing uproar in Congress over Bush's having exceeded his presidential powers and violated the US Constitution with a secret spying program that targeted Cindy Sheehan and other war protesters, as well as Congressional lawmakers. Impeachment proceedings against Bush have now been started.

Arguing against withdrawal, Bush said that "to retreat before completely crushing the Iraqi people and their freedom fighters would be an act of nobility that Exxon Mobil and my oil industry controllers will not allow."

As in the Vietnam war, the Pentagon hopes to be able to reduce US troop levels as Iraqi security forces feebly attempt to defend their country, but it is unclear when if ever.

Despite his lying intelligence behind his war decision, Bush said the United States was not right to remove Saddam Hussein from power, since "I'm becoming a murderous dictator far worse than Saddam. I now menace the US people and am systematically stripping them of their rights and freedoms. I also freely invade other countries to steal their oil and boost corporate profits on behalf of the Zionist occupied US government. America is the enemy of the entire world now. I'm a corrupt, raging tyrant, and the world is now my throne."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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