Gay Marriage in NY Approved; Marriage Boom Rocks NYC

Written by Gail Farrelly

Thursday, 30 June 2011

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Will there be enough of them to go around?

Everybody's doin' it. Getting married, that is. Gays, straights, whatever. No matter. Marriage is suddenly the "in" thing.

The rush to the altar is nowhere more prevalent than in NYC, the largest city in the state of NY. Marriage resources are strained to the max.

Exhausted wedding planners are being worked off their feet. And they're not the only ones. Horses that pull the horse-drawn carriages (a traditional venue for marriage proposals) in Central Park have been working nonstop. "Good grief," one horse was heard to neigh to another, "just our luck that romance is in the air in the heat of summer. Phooey!"

Many bridal stores and tuxedo shops have already sold out their entire inventory. In those with some inventory left, fights (some ending in arrests and/or hospitalizations) have developed among those desperate to snag some wedding garments. Smart shoppers are taking the precaution of outfitting themselves in full-body armor before venturing into such stores.

Orange blossoms, roses, carnations, and other traditional wedding flowers are in short supply. One florist commented to a customer, "Place your order now for your wedding bouquet, or you'll be walking down the aisle holding a bunch of weeds."

A hardworking organist bemoaned the fact that she'll be playing the wedding march hundreds and hundreds of times in the next few months. She's hoping for a funeral or two "for a nice change of pace."

Major league baseball games have been canceled, as Yankee Stadium and Citi Field have been hijacked as venues for mass weddings 24/7.

First comes love, then comes marriage. Or so they say. And divorce attorneys wait for the inevitable, as they watch the wedding boom with great anticipation. One commented, "It's good for our long-term business outlook. With all these weddings, especially the hastily arranged ones, can a NYC divorce boom be far behind?"

Stay tuned.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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