I'm Going, Going Away, Away From Cali, Cali

Funny story written by Court Jester

Friday, 27 May 2011

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Run Rabbit, Run Rabbit, Run, Run, Run....

A judge in California has come up with a novel approach to dealing with the state's overcrowded penal system. Justice Anthony Kennedy is to sign papers that will release 143,000 prisoners back on to the streets and in to the community.

In a speech that was applauded by the normally tough on crime Republicans, Justice Anthony Kennedy said: "Prisons have been established for a long while now and it is about time we realised they have clearly failed as a concept. Re-offending statistics are through the roof and there can be no more cloaking of the shambolic conditions of the prisons. There are always going to be bad people doing bad things. I see no point in tax payers sacrificing a part of their salary in order to continue on this course of futility."

The abolition of Correctional Facilities across California is the first of its kind anywhere in the United States. As a Supreme Court ruling the motion will automatically be passed, upheld and ratified. Moreover, it has been mooted that a Bill will be passed so that any future accounts of this hearing will not be legally allowed to name Justice Anthony Kennedy as the presiding judge. The widely held belief is this is to protect the reputation of former Civil Rights activist Justice Anthony Kennedy should, as many have predicted, he prove to be the sole reason for the obliteration of California.

Dozens of EMTs were called as Democrats feinted in their droves, with a small section unable to stop themselves from emptying their bowels, as Justice Anthony Kennedy concluded his address. "The American tax payer in California will now have an increased level of disposable income with which they can buy guns, bullets and other equipment designed for self-preservation. A soon to be ratified Bill will make it state law that anyone who is the victim of a crime is entitled to shoot, maim or kill the perpetrator of that crime and will be absolved of any blame for the revenge crime. Essentially everyone is allowed to kill everyone, as long as everyone has committed a crime against everyone. Bad people will always do bad things. Our citizens should be allowed to combat that."

California residents who are members of the National Rifle Association have misunderstood the ruling and have openly invited fellow members from across state lines to join them in a mass hunt for criminals. A map on the NRA website illustrating the route the posse will take appears to focus on neighbourhoods where populations are dominated by anaemic ethnic minorities. For interested parties there will be a barbecue before setting off and also a 'Make Your Own Charlton Heston Mask' session in the morning, arranged to pay homage to their one time president. The date for the cleansing process to begin is yet to be confirmed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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