Simon Cowell Confirms That His X-Factor Judges Will Be The "Erotically Sexy" Cheryl Cole and The "Hormone Happy" Paula Abdul

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

image for Simon Cowell Confirms That His X-Factor Judges Will Be The "Erotically Sexy" Cheryl Cole and The "Hormone Happy" Paula Abdul
Cheryl Cole showing off her Hollywood tan. (Photo from the Charlie Sheen Collection).

LOS ANGELES - After months of speculation that included Simon Cowell hiring everyone from Elton John to Carla Bruni-Sarkozy and Mick Jagger to Justin Bieber, the man known as "The Sultan of Sarcasm" has chosen ex-American girlfriend Paula Abdul and ex-English girlfriend Cheryl Cole to be his X-Factor reality show judges.

Cheryl Cole is known as the better half of Dancing With The Stars 'Dancing Dude' Derek Hough, and Paula Abdul is known as an ex-Lakers girl and the American Idol judge who used to grab Simon Cowell's "Little Simon" underneath the judges table during the commercials when both were AI judges.

Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight said that Simon Cowell has shown that once again he is a master showmen. De Gallo pointed out that by hiring the erotically sexy Cheryl Cole or "Chezza" as Cowell calls her he not only gets Cole but he also gets access to her future husband Derek Hough and Derek's sister Dancing With The Stars dancer Julianne Hough who is the girlfriend of American Idol host Ryan Seacrest.

So Simon "The Royal Dude of Rude" Cowell knows how to play the game very, very well. And as American Idol Judge Randy "The Black Dawg" said, "Hey, yo yo y'all lissen up my white British dude Simon did not get ta where he be now because he looks good in a black T-shirt."

3T is reporting that Cheryl Cole plans to go into the recording studio sometime in the summer to record a song that was written especially for her by Kara DioGuardi and Taylor Swift entitled, "He Kissed My Gazongas At The La Brea Tar Pits."

Former Major League baseball player and TV sports announcer Bob Uecker told Piers Morgan that if he had a nickel for every time that someone has confused him with Vice-President Joe Biden, he'd have about 6,000 nickels.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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