American Idol Secret Revealed: Former Judge Simon Cowell Runs "Vote For The Worst"

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Sunday, 24 April 2011

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Wrong show! The chicken plucker was on America's Got Talent!

Investigative journalists have discovered that former American Idol judge Simon Cowell, who left the show before the beginning of the current season, is actually owner and manager of the website "Vote For The Worst."

The website, which has been in operation for several years, encourages people to call in or text in to vote for who they see as the contestant with the least talent or singing ability.

Voting for the perceived worst contestant prolongs their stay on the show and causes those with superior talents to be voted off. The website is credited with keeping "Sanjaya" on the air for six weeks beyond when he should have been voted off.

When confronted with the evidence that he was behind the website, Cowell became somewhat defensive. "Look, it's not like I'm shaving points on a basketball game or trying to fix a sporting event. I'm just messing with people's heads. That's what I do… I screw around with people. I mean, not everyone that I say is bloody awful is actually blood awful!"

Cowell has admitted that this season has been especially fun for him. "Ever since Paula and Kara and Ellen and I have left the show, it is just not much fun to watch. Tyler is just a stoned, drugged out Zombie, and there are only so many times Randy can say yo, yo, yo dawg. J-Lo even makes Paula looks like a genius out there and Ryan is still the most annoying human being on the planet. Why shouldn't I mess with this?"

"Look, it isn't like the worst singer hasn't won in the past. How do you think Fantasia got the crown? How do you think Adam Lambert managed to make it so far? Why do you think Chris Daughtery got voted off so early? People are actually willing to vote for the worst!"

"After all, this same kind of philosophy got Barack Obama elected, now didn't it?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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