Written by Jim Jones

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

image for Michele Bachmann Said "Something" Intelligent

An inside source on Capital Hill claims that during the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence Michele Bachman said "something" intelligent. There is no word on exactly what she said and apparently both members of her own staff, and members of the Republican and Democratic parties are working to suppress the release of said information.

"It was remarkable," the source said, "there we were all sitting, and going through the rounds and then it came time for Bachmann to speak. People were rolling their eyes, aides were pulling out their Black Berries to Facebook, and honestly I was expecting another crazy rant about UFO's or Planet X or whatever. And then it happened."

"She said something intelligent."

He continued, "I gasped, Democrat Jan Schakowsky fell out of her chair, and Republican Tom Rooney nearly chocked on some water he was drinking. All of a sudden the aides were all whispering and everyone was jumping towards their phone, getting ready to tweet, of course."

"Then out of no-where, Bachman pounded her fist on the table, and I swear her eyes were glowing red, and demanded that everyone put their phones away. She immediately retracted the statement, and her aides paged John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi. An immediate suppression effort was put in place. We had to sign affidavits. Everything."

Jim Grouse, a political strategist on the Hill believes that information is being suppressed due to the risk that Bachman might alienate her tea-party supporters. "Yes, she has definitely been banking off of her looney comments, and strategists on both the left and right think she stands to lose a lot of Tea Party support if the Tea-Partiers actually witness her saying something smart, and reportedly even productive."

Apparently Democrats believe that they stand a better chance of beating her in the long run if she continues to appear like a stark raving mad lunatic.

While the Spoof will work hard to uncover exactly what was said, don't hold out hope. Staffers around the Hill are working extra hard to cover this up, and Bachman immediately held a press conference where she ranted about the liberal media suppression, via Fox News, against Glenn Beck, the need to eliminate taxes while increasing spending, the imminent war with China, and the socialist infiltration of Canada.

(Please remember that this article is only a spoof and thus so far we have no reason to believe that the Honorable Ms. Bachmann has ever said anything intelligent.)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
66 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more