TEA Party furious over compromise

Written by Daniel Wolf

Sunday, 10 April 2011

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Within moments of a negotiation, between the president, and ranking Republicans, to avoid a government shutdown, the TEA Party went into full, overdrive, mode.

According to TEA Party leader, Mr. Greed, party membership is in the process of filing a legal challenge, in order to force Republicans to abandon all compromise, and negotiations, with the White House.

Currently, his assistant, Ms. Pinpoint, is scheduling meetings, and conferences, to remind Republicans that there is NO issue which is more important, to the TEA Party, than ending taxation, of the super-rich, and termination, of ALL funding, for social programs.

To TEA Party members, the negotiated deal is to be considered a "slap in the face", of all that the TEA Party stands for. Mr. Greed is in the process of drafting a letter, to Republicans, condemning the compromise, which allows the U.S. government to continue operations.

According to Mr. Greed, "This INSULT, to the very moral fabric, of the TEA Party, must be both vigorously condemned, and repealed, immediately! It is an outrage, that the rich must continue paying out HUGE tax bills, just so the low-life's, on public assistance, can sit around, being lazy. The TEA Party intends to fight this insult (the compromise spending plan) all the way to the Supreme Court, if we must! The TEA Party membership REFUSES to continue to subsidize welfare parasites (welfare clientèle), endlessly. We will fight until this deal is wiped off the books."

When asked about an alternative to the current welfare system, Mr. Greed stated that the impoverished must be forced to WORK for room-and-board. When asked "WHERE?", Mr. Greed would only say that "Jobs are "out there" It is the responsibility, of the impoverished to go out and FIND a job".

Ms. Pinpoint detailed the party's position, by suggesting that any allegedly "poor" people should be signed up for manual labor jobs. According to Ms. Pinpoint, "The goal is to show low-income people that, with enough effort, on their part, jobs CAN be found."

However, when asked if the jobs being mentioned would provide enough wages to meet rent, food hygiene, and other bills, Ms. Pinpoint was clear in saying "We do NOT recognize such issues. If we did, we would be no different from those cowardly Democrats, and their "bleeding heart", feed the poor, rhetoric. No, the welfare people would be paid an amount, to be decided by their employer, not some stupid federal law."

When asked where the low-income would sleep, eat, and so on, if they all took these sub-poverty level jobs, Ms. Pinpoint was most clear when she said "We will NOT look at it, that way. All that we will look at is when people have jobs."

Ms. Pinpoint then gave me some reading material, which highlights some main objectives, of the TEA Party.

Not only would Planned Parenthood be de-funded, and closed down, but so would the Department of Public Aid, Department of Human Rights, and so on.

In fact, according to literature, which this reporter was given, by the TEA Party, this reporter would estimate that some 65% of the government, both federal, and state, would face termination.

In order to prevent further taxation, of TEA Party members, each employee, prior to dismissal, would be required to sign off, agreeing NOT to apply for Un-Employment Benefits, under penalty of twenty (20) years imprisonment. Those refusing to sign away un-employment rights would be escorted to something called a "Behavioral Modification Center", where they would be housed, until they signed away all benefits.

According to TEA Party projections, the motions, which this reporter was told of, will save the U.S. government some $100 TRILLION, by 2015.

For those wishing more information, on the TEA Party's agenda, interested parties should contact the TEA Party at (900) Eat S***.

(The CALL will cost the caller $10.00 per minute, as will be specified by the pre-recorded message).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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