In an unprecedented announcement today, both houses of the US Congress voted unanimously to cut their own pay by twenty-five percent, forego health care coverage, and renounce all contacts with lobbyists.
As lobbyists gathered in small groups outside the nation's capitol, crying and renting their garments, Greyhound bus stations were crowded with legislators waiting to return home to their districts. "I can deal with poverty, of sorts," said Senator John Ensign of Nevada,"my parents are rich, but chastity, well, easy cum easy go, I guess." Some Congressman are reported to be in serious financial stress and rumors abound that Senator John McCain is getting his Depends at a Nearly New Shoppe.
"It's the least we can do," said Senator Mitch McConnell. "We also cut the president's salary to $15,000 a year and replaced Air Force One with a Piper Cub, hope he knows how to fly it. I don't think Michelle Obama will be doing much charity work either, what with all the cleaning and cooking at the White House. Everyone will have to give a little in these bad times. This is our very first, totally non-partisan effort with our Democratic friends. Frankly, it makes me want to puke!"
The reverberations were felt all across Washington DC. Capitol police reported arresting Senator David Vitter of Louisiana on a street corner carrying a sign that read "Will Work for Sex." A passerby was heard to comment, "This is news?"
As hundreds of workers in the DC area pondered their fate, the DC escort services started training their escorts in grief counseling, tarot card readings, and three Card Monte. " No more, Ho, Ho, Ho," said an escort service spokesperson.
In related news, the Senate Cafeteria, famous for it's Bean Soup since the early nineteen hundreds has discontinued it on their menu. It has been replaced with Gruel.
Late breaking news: Every one of the newly elected Tea Party Congressmen has resigned before taking the oath of office! "That's not what I signed up for," said one. Secretary of the Treasury Tiny Tim Geithner speaking on background whispered to a journalist, "God bless us every one!"
