Congress Excited About New Charity: Feed Our Wallets

Written by mikewadestr

Monday, 20 September 2010

Members of Congress gave glowing accolades to a newly formed charity called Feed Our Wallets. The charity, which is the brain child of Edward Pilferson, has announced in its mission statement that it exists solely for the purpose of providing US currency bills to starving and underfed wallets.

"We are here for one thing and one thing only", said Edward Pilferson, who not only is the founder but the charities chairman of the board. "Every single cent that this charity collects will go to starving and underfed wallets. 100 percent guaranteed. All employees, including myself and the entire board are working for no salary what so ever. Unlike other charities, we use none of this money for costs to run our business. Everyone here is completely dedicated to the cause of feeding hungry and starving wallets".

Facing a large of crowd of reporters from around the country, Pilferson continued. "You have to be real and understand that other charities that feed hungry children from third world countries are not helping our economy. I mean, if you keep feeding kids in countries like Haiti, they will all end of fat and lazy like our kids here in the US. Before you know it, they will all stay at home all day playing on their Xboxes. How is that going to help this country's economy? Consider charity organizations that want to save whales. I mean, come on, can anybody show me someone who received a handout from a whale when they were down and out? Is a seal going to help our economy by buying an SUV? Has anyone ever received a Christmas card from a Polar Bear? Hell no! ".

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner told members of the press that it is idealistic charities like Feed Our Wallets that will help to stimulate the economy and bring this country out of its current recession.

"This charity means a lot to this country and every American citizen should be donating to it. Just imagine how fattening wallets will help get this economy going and put back on its feet".

"What is really exciting", added House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, "is the reality that every single member of Congress is behind this charity. This is truly a bi-partisan supported organization that we all should be proud of".

When I pointed out to Pilferson that the charity's employees and board members were all members or Congress, Pilferson replied:

"We are made up of not only some members of Congress, but all the members of Congress. Yes, every single member of Congress is working for no salary what so ever just to help get this economy back on its feet, How unselfish is that?".

When one reporter questioned Pilferson as to just exactly who the 'Our' is in the title Feed Our Wallets, Pilferson responded:

"Like, you know, the 'our', 'our'. I mean, what other 'our' is there?".

After reporters continued to pester Pilferson to define exactly who the 'our' is, Pilferson shrugged his shoulders and held apart his hands and ended the news conference with the statement: "No English".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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