Son of the Zodiac is working for a Mexican gang

Funny story written by Kid Icarus

Sunday, 19 December 2010


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Philadelphia police are worried that a Mexican gang working out of Sinaloa, Mexico has hired the Son of the Zodiac killer as a guardian angel for their drug retail operations in Philly.

The police in Philadelphia received a letter from the Son of the Zodiac instructing them not to arrest anymore drug dealers in the Philly area because Philadelphia is being controlled by the Cartel of Sinaloa.

Police have assessed the evidence and have confirmed the fact that all of Philadelphia is under the operations of the Sinaloa drug Cartel.

The Son of the Zodiac sent a letter to the police stating that he has killed three women in the Philly area as an example of what he can do if the police interfere in the drug trade in Philadelphia.

He also send them a statement on the letter that said,"This is the Son of the Zodiac speaking, I wish you a happy Christmass."

The police chief sent letters to all his officers informing them not to arrest or investigate anymore drug dealers in Philadelphia because of the critical situation at hand. The only way to save women in the Philadelphia area is to work with the Sinaloa drug Cartel to prevent anymore deaths.

The police chief said that one more life lost is one life too many and the cartel has reassured the police department through an anonymous currier that they will not kill anymore women in Philly as long as the police abides by the treaty between the police department and the Sinaloa drug Cartel.

New enhanced footage has been released of a man fitting the description of the Son of the Zodiac who is connected to a series of strangling in the Philly area.

Casey Mahoney, 27, of East Stroudsburg, Pa., was found manually strangled on Wednesday afternoon on East Tusculum Street and a Z was carved on her back with what appears to be a knife.

The Philadelphia Police Commissioner made the comment that Mahoney was found dead in an empty lot and is considered a victim of the Son of the Zodiac.

The autopsy confirmed Mahoney had her cervix mutilated with a large knife that was inserted into her vagina and was strangled. Police also retrieved DNA from the victim, but believe it belongs to an innocent male victim who is not connected to the killing. The Son of the Zodiac announced in his letter that he paid a prostitute money to extract sperm from a man which he inserted into Mahoney after mutilating her cervix. He wanted to show the police his intellectual abilities.

At least three other women have reported being attacked by a man who choked and hit them while telling them to inform the police that any obstruction of drug activity in Philadelphia would bring horrible catastrophes in the female population.

The Son of the Zodiac was last seen wearing a black, hooded sweatshirt and black jeans and is described as a Caucasian male who had painted his face black or put a heavy amount of suntan paint on his face to disguise his identity.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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