Police have urged people throughout the entire of freezing Britain to stay indoors amid warnings of heavy snow and plunging temperatures.
Meteorologists have warned of meteor sized snow falls that would crush a person flat, should they be unlucky enough to have snow of this size land on them, 'Forget woolly hats, don't bother with umbrellas in fact we aren't even sure your house will save you' said one weather meteor boffin.
The only sure fire way of saving yourself from a complete and utter snow related smooshing is to stay in a big old library building with a huge fireplace and burn every single book you can lay your shivering hands on.
